Avani Hollister
by HarryPotterTNGfan
Summary: What would it be like with another character on Red Dwarf, this one being twelve years old, a bit lippy - especially toward Rimmer - and who goes by the name of Avani Hollister?
1. Scene 1

**I wondered what it would be like with a child on Red Dwarf, because there was never one there, at least not as a main character. I came up with a new Red Dwarf character that gets stuck on Red Dwarf three million years in the future along with Lister, Rimmer, and the Cat. Here is the first chapter to my version of "The End" with Avani Hollister. Enjoy**!

* * *

"Well, this is it," said Captain Frank Hollister as a door swished open to reveal the quarters within. "These are your quarters, Avani."

A girl walked into the room behind Hollister. She was short - barely reaching the captain's shoulder - and had bushy, waist-length blond hair. She sported a t-shirt with _"The Beatles"_ printed across the front, and carried a red duffel bag and suitcase in both her hands. She looked around the empty room with distaste. "Not very colorful," she observed, noticing the grey walls and bare bunkbeds, which were the only thing in the room besides a monitor on the wall.

"Hey, I didn't design it, I just command it," said Hollister. "I have to get back to duty. You all set unpacking?"

"Yeah, I think I can manage it," said Avani, dumping her bag and suitcase on the bottom bunk.

"Well, I'll be in the Drive Room. If you need me, just ask Holly, and he'll tell you where to go."

"Holly?"

"The ship's computer," explained Captain Hollister, pointing to the monitor. "Holly!" he called.

A head of a man appeared on the screen. "Alright, dudes?" he said.

"Er, yes, Holly. This is Avani Hollister, my neice. Avani, this is the ship's computer. Ask him if you have any questions."

Avani walked up to the monitor. "Red Dwarf has a computer interface?" she asked, tapping on the screen.

"Oi! Watch it!" said Holly indignantly, closing his eye as if Avani had poked it.

"Oh, sorry," said Avani. "I didn't know computer interfaces could feel."

"Hey, I resent that! I'm just as much of a person as anyone else!"

"Except for the fact that you don't have legs, or arms, or anything else that a normal person has below the neck," Avani pointed out.

"Well...yeah, but I've got an eye, which you poked!"

"Sorry. I'll try not to do it again."

"Right, then. Now that's settled - Welcome aboard!"

"Well, I'll be going now," said Captain Hollister, and knowing his neice, he added sternly, "Stay out of trouble, Avani!" before leaving the room.

"So," said Avani, turning back to Holly. "What is there to do around here? Is there a holodeck?"

"What do you think this is? The _Enterprise_?" said Holly.

"Well, what can I do for fun, then?"

"Well, there's a chess board in the closet over there."

"That's it? There's no place for people to go when they're not on duty?"

"There's the bar," suggested Holly.

"I'm twelve years old!"

"Oh, well...you could go to the cinema. Is that fancy enough for you?"

"Maybe later. Is there anything else?"

"Well, there's the observation dome."

"What's that, then?"

"Well...it's a dome...where you can go to observe things in space. It's like being in space without a spacesuit...except you don't die."

"Oh, well, not dying sounds like fun. But I think I'll just go have a look around. Thanks, Holly. Er...how do I turn you off?"

Holly, looking offended, "Well, there's no on/off switch, if that's what you mean! I do it myself, see?"

Holly disappeared from the monitor, and Avani raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."

She left her quarters and walked down the hall to the lift. A few moments later, she stepped out onto a new deck and turned a corner, nearly walking into someone walking in the opposite direction. It was Todhunter. Her uncle had introduced her to him earlier that day.

"Excuse me, Avani," he said, sounding slightly annoyed by something, and he walked around her.

There seemed to be someone shouting after him, and as Avani got closer, she heard that person shout, "With respect, sir, your career's finished, you big lig!"

Avani went to walk past him, but the man who had shouted after Todhunter held out his arm to stop her. "Hold it!" he said. "Who are you? I didn't know there were children on the ship."

"I'm Avani Hollister," said Avani, annoyed at being called a child, but trying to speak politely. "Captain Hollister's neice."

"And what are you doing on this deck? I don't think children are allowed here with the stasis room on this floor."

"But I'm the only 'child' on the ship! There can't be a rule against it."

The man ignored her comment. "Only officers are allowed to be on this deck, little girl, and as a high ranking officer, I must ask you to return to the appropriate floor."

"You're not a high ranking officer," said Avani, growing angry at the man calling her a little girl. "You're not even an officer! You have the lowest rank: a chicken soup machine repairman."

"How did you know that?" said the man while a guy next to him with a cigarette in his ear chuckled at her comment.

"It says it right there," answered Avani, pointing at his chest, where a badge was pinned. "'Arnold J. Rimmer, Third Technition.' Any imbecile could see it. Bye." Avani walked past Rimmer and the guy with the cigarette in his ear, who was laughing silently at Rimmer's angry expression.

"Clever kid, she is," he said after she had gone.

"More like rude kid," said Rimmer bitterly. "Did you see how she speaks to an officer?"

"Yeah, but she's the captain's neice. What do you expect?"

"She's trouble, I can tell."


	2. Scene 2

Over the next week and a half, Avani spent most of her time either roaming the ship or staying in her room, talking to Holly. She learned much about the ship from him, including a few things she shouldn't have learned when he wasn't thinking, which seemed to happen quite often. When she walked the corridors, she was constantly being stalked by that Rimmer guy, who seemed determined to get her caught doing something wrong. She didn't know what he had against her. Maybe it was because of the rank thing that made him like this towards her, or maybe it was because he was just a nosy smeghead in general. Avani suspected it might've been a bit of both.

One day, while Avani was on the same deck as the one she was on when she first met Rimmer, she spotted some sort of chamber at the end of one of the corridors. "Holly," she called.

Holly appeared on the monitor near the chamber door. "'Sup, Av?"

"Is this the stasis room you told me about?"

"Well, it does say STASIS above it, so I believe it might be."

"Hey, don't get sarcastic. That's my thing." Avani pulled on the door, but it was locked. "Can you unlock this for me?"

"Sorry, can't do it, Av."

"Why not?"

"Because, it's restricted to all non-personnel."

"Which would basically apply only to me."

"That's about right."

"I only wanted to look. Man! I can't do anything on this smegging ship!" Avani pulled on the door agian, even though she knew it wouldn't budge.

"And what do you think you're doing?" said someone behind her. It was Rimmer, clipboard in hand and a smug grin on his face.

"Oh, no. Not you again," said Avani, who didn't even bother to be polite with him anymore. "Don't you have to go fill up the candy bar machine on deck 16?"

"Non-personnel are not allowed to be in the stasis room unless authorized to be by the Captain."

"But I'm not in the stasis room. I'm standing next to the stasis room."

"But you were trying to get in! I'm going to have to right you up." Rimmer clicked the top of his pen and scribbled on his clipboard. Avani rolled her eyes, unconcerned.

"Where's that guy you work with?" she asked, noticing the absence of the man who was usually with him when on duty.

"You mean Lister? Late for duty as usual. Wait, I can write him up for that!" Rimmer scribbled another note on his clipboard.

"Don't you have anything better to do than follow people around all day and try to write them up for stuff?"

"I wasn't following you around. The Captain wants to see you. Both of us, actually."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He just told me to come find you, and Holly said you were up here."

After giving Holly a good glare, Avani sighed and said, "Alright," and she followed Rimmer to the Captain's office.

Avani opened the door, adn Rimmer walked in behind her. "Captain," he said, doing an overly done tripple salute.

"Rimmer, Avani. Take a seat."

Both of them moved toward the chair on the left. Avani got there first, and Rimmer almost sat on her, it was so close. Looking livid, probably only because he didn't beat her, he took the chair on the right instead.

"Rimmer, I've been looking at the numerous reports you've written."

"Yes, Todhunter has already spoken to me about my reports on Lister, sir."

"I wasn't talking about the ones on Lister. I was talking about the hundred and fifteen you've written on her." Captain Hollister gestured to her neice.

"Yes, sir."

"You've been writing me up on all those other things?" said Avani incredulously,

"Rimmer," said Captain Hollister, "I know that Avani can be a bit of a trouble maker - "

"I'm right here!" said Avani indignantly.

" - but she's only been here a week and a half. How could she have possibly caused trouble that many times in ten days?"

"He writes me up for_ breathing_, Uncle Frank. I don't know what he has against me."

"You're the one disrespecting an officer!" snapped Rimmer.

"You're not an officer, Rimmer," said Captain Hollister. "You're a technician. In fact, the only person you're even allowed to be reporting on is Lister. Avani's not even a crew member!"

"Which reminds me, sir. Lister was late for duty again today."

"What else is new? I'll take care of it, Rimmer. Just get back to work."

"Aye, sir," said Rimmer. He stood up and did another one of his salutes before leaving.

"And you," said Captain Hollister to his neice. "Just stay out of trouble, okay?"

"Aye, sir," said Avani, immitating Rimmer's salute and marching out of the office.

_A hundred and fifteen reports? Wow, this guy really is a smeghead! I've got to get him back for this. Now, where did I put my itching powder?_


	3. Scene 3

The next day, Avani sat in a corner near Rimmer's quarters, hidden from sight. She was waiting for him to leave the room, so she could get inside without getting caught. She watched as he and his bunk mate Lister left for breakfast, arguing about something.

"Lister, I've told you time and time again that you can't squeeze the toothepaste from the middle!"

"And I've told _you_ time and time again that I don't give a baboon's behind! I'll squeeze me toothepaste however I like, thanks."

"I guess I should be thankful that you brush your teeth at all."

They turned the corner at the end of the hall, still bickering. Avani came out of her hiding place, glad they hadn't spotted her. She walked up to their quarters and checked to see that the coast was clear. The hall was deserted, so she opened the door and it closed behind her.

Once inside, she looked around the room. It was set up much like hers; two bunks, grey walls, a window, and a monitor. It was obvious which bunk was Rimmer's and which his roomate's, Lister's. The lower bunk was neatly made and tucked in with nothing on top of it except his pillow. Avani guessed that this was Rimmer's bed. The top bunk was a mess, with the blankets hanging half way off the mattress, a large vindaloo stain covering part of it. Avani didn't know Lister very well, but it didn't surprise her that someone who had curry stains on their uniform and who carried a cigarette in their ear had a messy bed. She opened the drawer next to her, and knew for a fact that it was Rimmer's underwear drawer because every singe (folded) pair had "Arnold J. Rimmer" sewn into them.

Avani took a pouch out of her pocket and checked the label. it read, "Itching Powder." Grinning devilishly, she poured the whole thing into the drawer, saying, "That'll teach you to blab on me, Rimmer!"

After emptying the pouch, she shut the drawer and turned to leave before she could get caught, but paused at the door when she heard a soft "meow" coming from somewhere behind her. She turned around and searched the empty room with her eyes for the source of the sound, but saw nothing. She had turned back around when she heard it again; "Meow." This time when Avani turned back, she spotted two glowing, yellow eyes looking out at her from the vent across the room. She crossed the room and opened the vent.

"A cat?" said said incredulously, pulling the animal out. "Since when were cats allowed on the ship? I had to leave Dutchess behind when I came here, but Rimmer got to keep you?"

"She's not Rimmer's cat," said someone from behind her. Avani jumped and spun around, the cat still in her arms. "She's mine."

"Y-yours?" was all Avani could say.

"Yep," said Lister. His arms were crossed. "What you doing in here?"

"I was...um..." Avani unintentionally glanced at the itching powder she'd set down on the table when opening the vent.

Lister followed her gaze and picked it up. "Itching powder?" he said. When she didn't respond, he added, "Where did you put it?" Avani looked at Rimmer's drawer. Lister walked over to it and opened the top one. She expected him to be mad, to say that he'd be going to her uncle with this, but instead, he laughed. "Brilliant!"

"Pardon?" said Avani, surprised.

"Itching powder in the underwear drawer. Classic!"

"S-so you're not mad that I'm in here?"

"If it's to mess with Rimmer? Nah."

"Oh," said Avani, not beliving her ears. "So...you're not going to tell my uncle, then?"

Lister paused, looking at Avani, who was still holding his cat. "That depends."

"Depends?"

"It depends on if you tell your uncle about her," he pointed. Avani looked down, then said, "The cat?"

"Yep. Pets aren't allowed on board, and I'll get in trouble if the Captain finds out about her. So, if you don't say anything about Frankenstein, I won't say anything about the powder to the Captain or Rimmer. Deal?" Lister held out his hand.

Avani shook it. "Deal."

"Great," said Lister, taking Frankenstein from her. "Now get out before Rimmer comes back."

Avani left Lister's quarters, not believing that she just got away with breaking into someone's room and putting itching powder in their roomate's underwear drawer. He hadn't even asked her why she'd done it!

_ Well, he does live with Rimmer after all. He probably knows just as well as I do what a smeghead he can be._


	4. Scene 4

**I wasn't sure if everyone who's reading this was aware that Avani is American like Frank Hollister. In fact, I've decided that she is from Iowa! It doesn't even matter, anyway. Accents aren't heard in writing. Just wanted to let you guys know. Okay. Enjoy!**

* * *

Rimmer wasn't the only one getting on Avani's nerves on Red Dwarf. One of the catering officers, George Dunkan, caught her trying to steal a doughnut from the kitchens one day, and the Captain made her help him with cleaning duties for the rest of the week! Dunkan made sure that there was extra grease in the pan for her when she cleaned, so it would be harder for her to scrape it off when washing it. Avani responded to this by dumping a whole box of yeast into the dough he was cooking when he wasn't looking, so ten minutes after he put it in the oven, it exploded and half-cooked dough rose uncontrollably throughout the kitchen, and Peterson, after calling Dunkan an imbecile, made him clean the whole thing by himself, and Avani got the rest of her last day off.

Alonzo Rodriguez, Chief of Security, found her in the cargo bay a couple days later, trying to get into a Blue Midget.

"But I wasn't _really _going to fly it!" she lied to him. "I just wanted a look!"

This obviously wasn't a good enough explaination for Officer Rodriguez, because he sent her strait to her uncle, who grounded her. Again. Do you know how boring it is to spend a whole week in your quarters, where the only thing to do is talk to the computer interface and lose at every game of chess you play with him? Very boring, so Avani got her revenge on Rodriguez for tattling on her by flushing every pair of shoes he owened out of the air lock. Sure, this might have been a bit extreme; The guy was just doing his job, but you've got to admit it was funny to watch him report to duty the next day in his socks!

When Avani bumbed into an old man on her way to dinner that following Tuesday, she couldn't help but burst out laughing when he introduced himself to her as Ira Dinkle. This wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't an admiral visiting his old command, Red Dwarf. He wasn't very pleased to hear that she was related to the new captain, and Avani was even less pleased to hear that she was given even more cleaning duties, and was grounded for twice as long as before. She didn't dare get revenge on the admiral or her uncle for this, so she decided to satisfy her need for revenge on Rimmer instead.

She showed up at his quarters th next day, her ant farm in hand. When she opened the door to find someone already inside, she nearly had a heart attack, but when she saw that it was Lister, she sighed with relief.

"Hey, didn't your mum ever teach you to knock?" he said to her, but he didn't seem mad that she was in there. Avani was going to think of some excuse for being there and come back later for her prank, but Lister saw the ant farm in her hands, so she told him her plan for them, which included the red ones and Rimmer's pants drawer.

"Oh, come on," he said to her. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Avani was surprised to hear him say this, until he finished with, "Just go with the black ones, instead."

Avani did so, and when she was done placing ten of the bigger ones in the drawer, she looked over at what Lister was doing at the sink. "What's that?"

"Hair dye," he said, pouring the contents of the bottle in his hand into another empty one, labled 'shampoo'. "Purple, to be exact." He grinned at her.

Lister didn't have to say any more. Avani grinned and said good-bye before leaving his quarters. She walked ten feet, then bumped into someone walking around the corner. She staggered back a couple feet and saw that it was Rimmer standing there.

"What are you doing on this deck?" was his greeting to her.

"Rimmer, you can't ban me from every deck on the ship," said Avani.

"But what are you doing?"

"Walking. I_ am_ still allowed to walk, right?"

"Ha ha," said Rimmer sarcastically.

"So can I go now? Or do you want to write me up for breathing again?"

Rimmer looked suspiciously from the twelve year old to his quarters, as if he knew she had just left there, but said nothing and walked away without another word.

It was only a few hours after this encounter that Holly had informed her that she was wanted in the Captain's office, so when she entered her uncle's office, the very fiirst thing that came out of her mouth was, "I didn't do it!"

"Lie!" shouted someone from her left. Avani turned around to find a murederous-looking Rimmer with his finger pointing at her accusingly, and hair purpler than the dinosaur himself. "I don't know how she got into my quarters, but I know she did it, sir!"

Avani couldn't help but laugh out loud at Rimmer's hair. He looked like an overgrown troll doll!

This was as good as a confession for Rimmer. "See! I told you, sir! I told you she did it!"

Captain Hollister turned back to his niece. "Did you do it, then?"

"Absolutely not," she said calmy.

"Lie!" said Rimmer again, pointing dramatically.

"Rimmer!" snapped Captain Hollister. He turned back to his neice. "Now, Avani. I am going to ask you this one more time, and it better be the truth. Did you do or did you not put purple hair die in Rimmer's shampoo?" He gestured to the technician's hair, which clashed greatly with his slowly reddening face.

"No, I did not."

"Then who did it?"

Avani opened her mouth to tell him, but then hesitated. Was she really about to rat on Lister? He hadn't told on her. "I don't know," she ended up saying.

"Liar!" said Rimmer yet again.

Hollister ignored him. "Well, I need to find out who did this. I was hoping a confession would be made, but without one, I'll have to look at the security cameras to see who's been in Rimmer's quarters. Unless if you can tell me?"

Again, Avani hesitated, and because she didn't say anything, Captain Hollister called for Holly. When he appeared on the monitor on the wall, Hollister said, "Holly, show me all the footage of security camera thirty five recorded this afternoon."

"Wait!" said Avani. Both Hollister and Rimmer looked over. "I did it. I put the hair die in Rimmer's shampoo bottle."

"I knew it!" said Rimmer triumphantly. "I knew you did it, you little - !"

"Rimmer!" interrupted Captain Hollister. He looked like he was getting very impatient. "Could you wait outside, please?"

"What?" said Rimmer, sounding disappointed. He had obviously been looking forward to seeing Avani getting yelled at.

"Now, Rimmer!"

"Yes, sir." Rimmer gave Avani a smug look before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

Hollister turned to his niece again, staring at her a moment before saying, Okay, Avani. That's it! This is the last straw! You have been stepping out of line ever since you got on this ship. I understand that it's hard to not have anyone your age around, but that doesn't mean you can go around breaking into people's quarters and putting purple hair die into their shampoo bottles!"

"Oh, come on, Uncle Frank," said Avani. "You have to admit it's funny!"

"No, it is not funny, Avani! said the Captain, not ammused.

There was a silence, then Avani said, "What's my punishment, then? Cleaning?"

Hollister shook his head. "No. You've been punished too many times, Avani! It obviously doesn't teach you a lesson. I give you cleaning duties and you still can't stay out of trouble. I ground you, you leave your quarters anyway. You obviously can't be trusted to be left alone during the day. You keep getting into trouble, stepping out of bounds. Someone's got to keep an eye on you."

"Are you saying I need a babysitter?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying! At least until I know you'll stay out of trouble."

"But who, then?" said Avani, trying to get out of this. "I'm the only kid on Red Dwarf. It's not like you can hire me a nanny."

"No, I can't...but I can assign you to one of my officers."

"Like who?"

Hollister paused, thinking. "I'll assign you to one of the lower ranking officers. Someone who doesn't have as many duties. Someone like..." - He looked up at his door, and saw the outline of what was clearly Rimmer through the oblique glass, trying to listen in on their conversation - "Rimmer!"

"What?" said Rimmer and Avani in unison, Rimmer accidentally banging against the door in his haste to barge back in.

"That's right. I'm assigning you to Rimmer!"

"Uncle Frank, you can't! A babysitter's bad enough, but having to spent the whole day with _Rimmer_?"

"I agree, sir!" said Rimmer. "With all due respect, I'd rather spend my day with a screeming banshie than with your niece."

"You've got no choice. This is what she gets for dying your hair purple!"

"I don't mind it that much, actually!" said Rimmer quickly, touching his hair. "I think it makes me look rather striking!"

"You look like an idiot," said Hollister bluntly. "You are assigned to my neice until I believe she has learned her lesson. My mind is made up!" he added when both Rimmer and Avani opened their mouths to protest. "Now, get back to work, Rimmer. And you go with him, Avani. Don't leave his side."

Rimmer and Avani left, their expressions making it perfectly clear that neither of them were very happy with this arrangement.


	5. Scene 5

A few days later

* * *

"Hand me that screwdriver," said Rimmer, who was kneeling in a corridor, working on one of the many food dispensers that weren't working correctly that day. It's the thin one with the little criss-cross at the end."

"I know what a screwdriver is, thanks," said Avani, who was leaning against the wall next to him, looking bored out of her mind.

"Then give me one," said Rimmer.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You've got to say please first."

"Why should I?"

"You want the screwdriver, don't you?"

"Avani!" said Rimmer impatiently.

"Rimmer!" said Avani mockingly.

"Forget it. I'll get it myself." Rimmer, who had to keep his hand on the dispenser because it wasn't screwed in all the way - hence needing the screwdriver - reached for the tools, but the tool handle was just out of his reach. After watching him struggle for a minute, Avani nudged the box closer to him. Rimmer didn't notice this, and he grabbed the tool. "Ha!" he said triumphantly, then he turned back to the machine. Avani rolled her eyes.

"Where's Lister, anyway?" she asked. She couldn't believe that after what she did for him, he had the nerve to leave her alone with Rimmer (who was now de-purple-ized, by the way).

"Late for work as usual," spat Rimmer. "He's always leaving me to do the dirty work."

"Sorry I'm late," said someone behind them as if on queue. Lister appeared next to Avani. "What did I miss?"

"Not much," Avani mutterd, glaring at him. He looked away guiltily.

"You're late for work, my laddo," said Rimmer, pointing at Lister with his screwdriver. "You're on report!"

"Right," said Lister, unconcerned. "So what are we doing?"

"_I_ am fixing this food dispenser. "_You_ can go to deck 115 and fill up the dispenser there with those candy bars." He ponted to the cart a few feet away from them, which was filled with dozens of Mars Bars.

"Right," said Lister again, and he started to push the card down the corridor.

"Can I go with him?" Avani asked Rimmer.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because, the Captain said that you have to stay with me."

"But I'll just be one deck above!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"...Please?"

"FINE! ALRIGHT! GO WITH LISTER!" Rimmer bellowed.

"Thank you!" said Avani pleasantly, and she followed Lister, who was just a little ways down the corridor.

"Don't you go any farther than upstairs, or the Captain will kill both of us!" Rimmer shouted after her.

Lister and Avani entered the lift at the end of the hall and pulled in the cart with them.

"Hey, thanks for not ratting me out," Lister said once the doors were shut.

"Yeah, well, you didn't tell my uncle about the itching powder."

"Yeah. You should've seen Rimmer last week! Here we were, filling up the food dispenser on deck 42, when all of a sudden, Rimmer starts doing this sort of jig in the middle of the corridor. Then, he flipped out and ran down the hall. He nearly ran over Todhunter! And you know how he got rid of the purple hair? He had to borrow one of the female officer's hair die! I remember it was called brunette bombshell."

Avani laughed. "I _thought_ I saw some highlights!"

The elevator doors opened on deck 115. They stepped out, and Lister pulled out the cart. He spotted the food dispenser a few feet away, and unscrewed the cover before beginning to fill it with the candy bars. Unlike with Rimmer, he didn't snap at Avani when she took one of them from the cart, and she helped him stack the candy next to the packed chicken sandwiches and cereal bars.

* * *

The next day, Rimmer was taking the Drive Exam again, which gave Avani the day off, so she took to her old habit of roaming the halls, looking for something to do. She took the lift up to the floor above her quarters, where she found Olaf Peterson putting boxes into storage. In the stasis room. Avani waited until after he had left to get closer, and she found that he had accidentally left it unlocked. Avani looked around to make sure that no one was around before going inside.

Avani found it amazing that someoune could actually be frozen in time just by sitting in this room. Most people, not even her family, knew how much she knew about this kind of stuff. In a few years, she could probably even pass the exams to become an officer aboard Red Dwarf, but her lazy attitude outside of school lead people to believe that she wasn't very smart in school. She saw what Peterson had put into stasis on one of the shelfs in the room; two crates of meat.

Well, that's one way to keep your food fresh; put it into stasis.

Avani heard a noise outside the door. She looked out of the window to find that two people where coming toward the room. It was Todhunter and Lister. Lister looked fairly miserable, and Todhunter didn't look much better, but Avani didn't have time to contemplate why this was so. They were about to enter the room, and she needed to hide. Fast.

* * *

"Look," said Todhunter on the other side of the door. "Today, no one wants to go through with this."

"It's okay," said Lister. "I can handle it. Is this going to hurt?" he added uncomfortably.

"Haven't you ever travelled interstellar?" said Todhunter.

"No."

"Oh, you don't feel a thing. The stasis room creates a static field of time. See, just as X-rays can't pass through lead, time cannot penetrate a stasis field. So, although you exist, you no longer exist in time, and for you, time itself does not exist. You see, although you're still a mass, you are no longer an event in space-time. You are a non-event mass with a quantum probablitly of zero."

"Oh. Simple as that, eh?" said Lister.

They reached the stasis room. Todhunter stepped back to let Lister inside.

"Okay," said Lister, choosing a chamber. "I'm ready."

"See you in eighteen months." Todhunter closed Lister's chamber for him, then walked out of the stasis room. "Holly," he said, "activate the stasis field."

"Okay, Frank," said Holly from the monitor next to him.

Inside the stasis room, Lister froze as the stasis field activated, leaving him unharmed by space and time. With Avani in the chamber right next to his.


	6. Scene 6

Avani waited a few minutes before thinking that it was safe to come out of the chamber. She opened it a crack and peered into the room. Nothing was there except three other chambers and the packs of meat Peterson had left, so she climbed out. She looked out the window to make sure no one was in the corridor. It was empty, so she left the stasis room and darted to another corridor so she couldn't be accused of being anywhere near there, her heart beating fast from the close call.

_If Todhunter had seen me in there, I would have been deader than a lobster in butter sauce!_ Avani didn't want to think about what her uncle's expression would look like if he had heard she'd been out of bounds again after everything else she'd done over the past month.

She couldn't help but notice as she walked through the corridors that they seemed to be sort of...empty. Actually - very empty. It was quieter than an awkward silence in an elevator. She noticed this even more when she reached the Drive Room and saw that not one person was in there either. This was usually the busiest place on the ship!

What she did see was dozens of small piles of dust laying about the room; One over each chair at the controls, several on floor in the middle of the room, and two near the Drive Plate.

"What the heck?" she said, taking a handful of dust and watching it fall out of her hand. "What is this stuff?" She sniffed it, and after looking around to see if anyone was watching, she took a bit of it on her finger and tasted it. It tasted just about as pleasant as sweaty socks and she spat it out with a disgusted look on her face. She dusted off her hands and left the Drive Room and found more of this dust throughout the corridors, but still there wasn't anyone in sight.

_Where is everyone?_ she wondered.

Suddenly, she heard a crashing sound coming from inside the wall next to her. Next moment, one of the air vents fell off the wall, and Avani jumped back in surprise as a guy in a pink suit and white dress shoes climbed out of the duct. He fell to the ground and with a somersault he landed on his feet.

"Ahhh! Ooowww! Eee!" he sang, twirling around the corridor. He didn't seem to notice the girl gaping at him just a few meters away as he pulled a small mirror out of his jacket pocket. "Looking nice!" he said to himself, smiling fondly at his reflection. "No! Wait a minute! I'm looking better than nice! I'm looking daaangerous!" He glanced at the wall next to him and pointed. "Hey, what's that? Oh, it's my shadow. Hey! Even my shadow's looking nice - What a team! We are unbelievable! Oooww! Daaangerous!" He twirled round again and stopped, facing the twelve year old, noticing her presence for the first time.

"Who the heck are you? she asked, eyeing the man.

"Who am I?" the man said. "I am your worst nightmare, bud!" He turned to the wall and said in a low voice to it, "I gotta make myself look big. Come on, shadow, you look big, too!" He turned back to Avani and bared his teeth, revealing long, sharp K-9's that resembled a cat's. He stood on his toes and made a hissing sound at her.

Avani stared at whatever this guy was before her, not quite sure how to react. Her first instinct when facing some loon coming after her was to run, so she did just that and took off down the corridor. She didn't stop until she had made it back to the Drive Room, which was still empty.

_Okay_, she thought as she tried to catch her breath, dusting off one of the chairs and taking a seat, _So there's no one in sight except some sort of cat-man in a pink suit who seems to be thicker than pig dung and also a tad off his rocker._

Avani didn't know what to do. In her panic, it didn't occur to her to call for Holly, and she still hadn't found anyone except that man on the ship. It was like she was alone. But where would a who ship full of people go in only a few minutes?

When she had finally caught her breath, Avani noticed something she hadn't seen a few minutes ago when she was in here last; Someone had left a shoe mark in the dust over one of the chairs next to her, and she saw footprints in the piles on the floor. It occurred to her that it could have been that guy's in the pink suit, but he had been in the vents before now. Besides, these were different from his pointy white shoes.

Avani didn't know who, but there was at least one other person on this ship. Maybe he or she knew what was going on. Avani left the Drive Room again to find this other person.


	7. Scene 7

"Hello?" Avani called, making her way through the corridors again. "Is_ anyone_ here?" She had made her way through three decks of the ship, and was now back on the one she had started on. She walked past the stasis room again for about the sixth time and stopped under a nearby air vent to catch her breath.

She knew that there was at least one other person on this ship, because she was sure that foot print in the Drive Room hadn't been there the last time she entered that room. Where everyone else had gone, she had no clue.

It had occured to her that this was some sort of prank, but then realized that her uncle would have to've known about it, and Avani knew all too well that Frank Hollister didn't have a sense of humor and would have forbidden it, so that was out.

What else could have happened? Where could everyone have gone in a matter of minutes?

Then she heard it. A voice. Someone was talking. But where was it coming from? It sounded like it was coming from somewhere above her. Avani looked up. The floor above? No, it sounded closer than that.

The vent!

Yup, that was definately it. Whoever had made that footprint in the Drive Room was in this vent talking to someone. Avani knew that there had to be someone in there with him, because why else would he be talking aloud?

The vent was open, and was just abover her head - shoulder length for someone like her uncle. How was she going to get in? She jumped up and got a quick look inside before gravity pulled her back to the ground.

"Hello?" she called into it as she jumped up again, but all she could see was darkness. She could hear her own voice echo back to her, but there was no response from whoever was in the vent. Why could she hear him, but he couldn't hear her?

Chair. I need a chair. Avani went to the nearest door and opened it to find that it was some officer's quarters. She grabbed the nearest chair and took it back out into the corridor, the door closing automatically behind her. She propped it up against the wall underneath the vent and stepped onto it. This made the top of her head level with the top of the vent opening, and she managed to clamber inside.

"Hello?" she called again as she began crawling through the dark vent on her hands and kees. "I hope somebody's really in here, and I'm not just crawling through this duct for no reason! I know I heard someone! Hello? Where are - AAAHHH!"

In the dim light, Avani hadn't noticed a sudden drop in the ventilation system, and she went tumbling down the shaft, landing hard at the bottom.

"Great. Just brilliant!" she said through her teeth, clutching her arm. "My day was going just fine an hour ago, then everyone had to disappear, and a weirdo cat creature had to show up, and now I'm here! This is what I get for sneaking my broccolli to the scutters at dinner last night!

Other than the fact that her butt and elbow hurt like hell, she seemed to be fine. She looked up at the little square of light that was coming from the corridor now a floor above her. "Great. Now how am I supposed to get out of here?"

Finally, Avani decided to keep crawling, and maybe she'd find another way out, or find the source of the voice she'd heard before. She couldn't hear him now, but he couldn't have gone very far, so she kept going. She called out to him several times, saying things like, "Hello?" or "Anybody in here?" and when she had started to get impatient, "Look, you'd better show yourself soon, or you'll be deader than deader than dead!"

Still, no one responded. Avani stopped for another rest, back against the wall of the vent, and closed her eyes. And finally, someone said in the dark, "Man, would you please shut up?"

Avani's eyes flew open wide. "Who said that?"

"Well, I did, of course!"

"Could you be a bit more specific than that?"

"You have been shouting for over ten minutes, bud, and I am _trying_ to have a conversation over here!"

"Wait. So there's someone else in here too? Where are you, anyway? I can't see a thing down here."

"Well I can see you clear as Clearasil, and smell you just as well, and man, you need a bath!"

"Hey, watch it, whoever you are!" said Avani, getting defensive. "I don't stink!" There was a pause. "Wait a minute...You sound familiar. Who are you? I can't see you!"

The man sighed as if he were annoyed, and Avani heard some rustling in the dark, then a click, and suddenly Avani was blinded by a bright light. She blinked in the sudden brightness, and saw that the man had turned on a portable flashlight that gave them just enough light to see each other. Once her eyes had gotten used to the light, she saw a pink sleeve on the hand that was holding the flashlight. Her eyes widened, and she immediately looked up and saw who was in the vent with her. It was the man in the pink suit.

Avani back away quickly. "You keep away from me!" she warned him.

"That's what I was planning to do, bud, but you keep following me!"

"No I don't! I'm looking for one of the officers. Everyone's gone. Do you know what's happening? How did you get on the ship, anyway?"

"Man, you ask more stupid questions than Mr. Rogers. Do you ever shut up?"

"There's no one else in here. Who were you talking to before?"

"I guess not," the man said to himself, then he said to Avani, "I was talking to my shadow, of course. Who else?" He pointed to the wall, where his shadow mimicked him, pointing back at him.

"You were talking to your shadow? So there's no one in here with you?"

"Well, there's you. Hey, why do you keep following me, anyway?"

"I'm not following you! I already told you I'm looking for one of the officers, and all I keep finding is you!"

"Officers? What's an officer?"

"You don't know what an officer is?"

"Well, duh. Why else would I be asking you?"

"The officers are the people who work on the ship. You know, like Captain Hollister?"

"Hollister? Hollister. Do you mean Holly?"

"Holly!" said Avani, clapping a hand to her forehead. "Of course! Why didn't I think of Holly before? He can tell me what's going on!" Avani turned around to crawl back the way she came.

"Wait, what about me?" said the man.

"What about you?"

I can help you find the floating head!"

"Help me? I don't think so, bub. All the information I've gotten from you today is that you talk to your shadow and that you're nuttier than a nutty crunch bar. Thanks, but I can manage on my own."

"Oh yeah? How do you think you're going to climb up that shaft you fell from?"

"How did you know I fell down the shaft?"

"It was pretty hard not to know. AAAHHH!" The man did a pretty good impression of Avani's girlish screaming. "Now, if you want me to help you, there'll be a price."

"But I already told you, I do not want or need you're help! Now hopefully this is goodbye. Goodbye." Avani started to crawl away again.

"Okay, fine. But you'll be back!"

"I will?"

"Yep. And I'll be here, ready to say, 'I told you so!'"

"You do that." Avani left, and by the time she got back to the bottom of the shaft, she could no longer see the light from the man's flashlight. The moment she looked up the shaft, which was the only way back to where she came from, she realized that he was right after all; The only way she was going to get out of this vent was by following him. With a sigh, Avani crawled back through the vents, and found the man sitting there waiting for her with his arms crossed, looking smug.

"So you're back?" he said.

"Can it, pinky," said Avani. "Just help me get out of here so I can reach Holly."

"Not so fast. What do I get out of this?"

"What do you mean, what do you get out of this?"

"You think I'm gonna help you for free? Well, that's just not how I roll, buddy! Now, either you give me something that's shiny, tasty, pretty, or all of the above, or you get to sleep in here tonight...and every night after that, because this place is a maze, and I, the superior maze getter-outer, am the only one who knows how to get out of here."

"But I don't have anything shiny, tasty, or...wait a minute!" Avani stood up on her knees and dug into her jacket pocket. What she pulled out was small, round, silver, and had a string hanging off of it. "Is this shiny enough?"

The man took the thing from Avani and looked at it. "What is it?"

"It's a yoyo. It has sparkles on it, and when you pull on the string, it lights up."

The man pulled on the string, and sure enough, it lit up. "Aaaooowww!" he said, playing with the string. "This thing is the whole package, man! See, look! It's shiny! It's...bleck...well, not very tasty, but it's shiny, and it's pretty! And the string! Aaaooowww!" The man batted at the string with his free hand, the flashlight forgotten on the floor of the vent.

"Wow, the way you play with that thing, it's almost like a cat!" joked Avani.

"That's 'cause I am a cat."

"Pardon?"

"Now," said the man, pocketing Avani's yoyo in his jacket pocket. "If you want to find the floating head, you'd better follow me." He turned around and began to make his way down the vent.

Avani looked after him, hesitating. This guy was obviously a nut. and he seemed so...not human. And did he just say that he was a cat?

"Hey! Frizz Face!" he called back to her from somewhere ahead. "You comin', or what?"

Avani made her decision. After all, she wasn't going to get very far going the other way, at least without suction-cup gloves, anyway. "Yeah, I'm coming." She followed the man down the vent, but not before grabbing the flashlight he'd left behind, not just for light, but also just in case she needed a quick weapon.


	8. Scene 8

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Avani asked the man in the pink suit, who was crawling ahead of her in the vent. They had been at it for nearly twenty minutes now, and she was beginning to think that this guy didn't really know where he was going.

"Of course I know where I'm going!" he snapped. "Don't you trust me?"

"Not really."

"Well, you should. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because - " The man pushed on the ventilation wall in front of him, which turned out to be an exit when it popped out and fell to the ground with a crash. He smiled with pride. " - here's the exit!"

"Yes!" said Avani in relief. She waited as the man gracefully somersaulted out of the vent, then followed, making her way out with a bit less grace.

"Well, this is where I make like a cupcake on a fat guy's plate and disappear," said the man as he watched Avani get up and dust off her clothes.

"Wait, where are you going now?"

"I'm going to go meet my shadow. We've got some investigating to do! See you around, Frizzy!" He took off, leaving Avani to touch her hair uncertainly, wondering if it really was that bad.

"Holly!" she called. He appeared a moment later on a moniter a few feet away from her.

"Sup, Av. Long time no see."

"Holly! Finally. What's going on?"

"Oh, you know. Been busy. This and that. Oh! just yesterday, I - "

"Not with you, you plum! With the ship! Where is everyone?"

"Oh, right. They're dead."

Avani felt her heart sink. "_What_? Dead? How?"

"A radiation leak. Took out the whole crew. Right shame, that was. A girl died as well. Just twelve years old, she was."

"Holly, that's me!" Avani waved waved her hands in front of the monitor. "I'm the girl!"

At first, Holly looked puzzled, then he seemed to take in what she had said, and his expression changed as if he had just realized who she was for the first time. "Hold on a tick. Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"I hope not."

"No, but you are, though! Hold on a mo'...This would explain why I never found your remains!"

"My_ remains_?" Avani felt sick. "Holly, are you saying that I'm the only one left? The crew are dead?"

"No, someone else survived too. He's in the Drive Room with Arnold."

"Arnold? Arnold_ Rimmer_?" Avani felt ever sicker. "_Rimmer_ is the only one who survived?"

"No. He was killed. Dave Lister survived. He was put into stasis."

"But you said Rimmer - "

"He's a hologram now."

"Where are they?"

"Hold on a tick. I'll find 'em." Holly disappeared, then reappeared a few moments later. "They're in the testing room. Just discovered the Cat apparently. Propably should have warned them about him, actually. Dave looks like he's about to have a heart attack. Ah, well. Can't think of everything, can I?"

"The cat? They were scared by a _cat_?"

"You mean you haven't seen him yet? Tall, pink suit, thicker than a pack of Necco Wafers?"

"Yeah, I've seen him. You're telling me that guy is a _cat_?"

"Yes. His species evolved from Lister's pet cat over three million years time. It's a long story."

"Frankenstein? But how could that be possible if she's barely six years old?"

"Oh, I didn't mention that, did I? What year do you think this is?"

"2339...why?"

I was afraid of this. I thought you looked good for being nearly three million and twelve years old."

"What are you talking about, Holly?"

I'm saying that you've been in stasis with Lister for three million years. Well, give or take a few centuries."

"Shut up. That can't be possible. I just saw everyone a couple hours ago!"

"Time doesn't affect you when you're in the stasis field. Three million years for me has been no time at all for you and Dave."

"Dave! You said he was in the testing room?"

"That's right," Holly said, and Avani took off. "Just try not to scare him! He's been through a lot in the past couple hours. With the human race nearly extinct, we can't afford for him to snuff it, now can we?"

Avani made it to the testing room. She could hear talking on the other side of the wall, so she put her ear against the door.

"Hello...Cat?" she heard, recognizing Lister's voice.

"Woah, man!" came the voice of the guy in the pink suit. "Crease!"

"Stand back, Lister!" came Rimmer. Next moment, Avani heard screaming, and suddenly Rimmer passed right through the door - and through Avani! She jumped back in shock, landing on the floor.

"You!" said Rimmer in great surprise, putting his arms down, which had been flailing around like he was doing Karate a moment before. Avani noticed a giant 'H' on his forehead. "What in the world are you doing here?"

The door opened and Lister appeared in the threshold. "_Avani_?" he said in equal surprise. "But you're supposed to be dead!"

"I've heard," said Avani through her teeth, sounding like she hurt herself when she fell. She stood up as Lister and Rimmer stared at her in shock.

"Man, I've had enough surprises for today!" said Lister miserably, rubbing his chest. "This doesn't make any sense. Holly said everyone was dead. Wait...are _you_ dead?" He reached out and poked Avani's shoulder. "Nope, she's solid."

"Hey!" came a voice from inside the room. "Is that Frizz Face out there?"

"You know, my hair isn't really isn't that frizzy!" Avani called into the room.

"You know him?" asked Rimmer.

"Sort of. He lead me out of the vents."

"What were you doing in the vents?" asked Lister.

"I was looking for you. Well, for someone who could tell me what's going on."

"Wait. Wait. Wait," said Rimmer. "Hold on. How are you here? The whole crew was killed. You should be dead! Or at least really really wrinkly."

Avani hesitated on telling the truth, but then she realized that it was stupid to worry about getting into troube now, and admitted, "I sneaked into the stasis room while you were taking that exam. I heard Lister and Todhunter coming, so I hid in one of the chambers. I came out a moment later - or, at least it felt like a moment."

"That's what it felt like for me too," said Lister.

"_You sneaked into the stasis room_?" said Rimmer, who didn't seem to get that this wasn't the matter at hand here. "I leave you alone for one day...!"

"Lay off, Rimmer!" warned Lister. "Not the time."

"I got into trouble when you went missing, you know! It went on my permanent record!"

"Well, it's not like it matters now, does it?" Avani pointed out.

"_Doesn't matter?_ I almost got put off the mission and forfeited ten months wages! And all that time you've been in the smegging stasis room!"

"Not the time, Rimmer!" repeated Lister.

"So...everyone's dead?" asked Avani.

"Yeah," said Lister grimly.

"And you're a hologram?"

"Yes, I am," said Rimmer with a sigh.

"Well, at least some things are looking up."

"Hey!" called someone from inside the testing room. "Don't forget about me!"

Lister, Rimmer and Avani looked into the room behind them, where the cat stood looking indignant.

"So, who are you...cat?" asked Avani, walking inside. "What are you called?"

"What am _I_ called? Well, I've been called lots of things. Handsom, mostly, but I've also been called Gogeous, Stylish, Sexy, and Most Fasionable Guy On This Big Shiny Red Thing!"

"She means your name," said Lister. "Don't you have one?"

"Who cares?" said Rimmer. "I want him off this ship!"

"What?" said Avani. "You can't do that!"

"Of course I can!"

"Okay, and who made you boss?"

The Space Corp. did! The Directive states that when the captain dies, the next officer with the highest rank takes his place - "

"And since everyone capable of doing the job is dead, that makes you captain?"

"That's right!" said Rimmer, oblivious of the insult.

"Well, I think that the captain should at least be required to have a heartbeat."

"Their's no rule against it! Lot's of holograms have been in command!"

"Really? So you've looked it up, have you? Just in case you ever snuffed it and was given the oppertunity to be captain?"

"Well, no, but..."

"You'd think there would be a rule. I'm pretty sure the fact that one is alive would be a pretty important requirement to be captain."

"It doesn't matter," said Lister. "The cat's staying, and that's that!"

"I forbid it!" spat Rimmer.

"Oh, you forbid it, do you? And how do you think you're gonna get him off the ship by yourself? It's not like we're gonna help."

Avani shook her head in agreement with Lister.

"Fine!" said Rimmer after a moment he obviously took thinking of a retort. "He can stay."

"How generous of you," said Avani in mock gratefulness.

"Hey!" said the Cat. "I'm starving, man! Who wants to feed me?"

"Oh, you're hungry, kitty?" said Lister as though he were talking to Frankenstein.

"Yeah! At least_ somebody_ had the decency to ask! I want crispies!"

"Crispies?"

"Oh, sorry, man. That's a cat food. You wouldn't know about it. You see, you've got these little flakes that make a _hssssssnap_ sound when you pour milk in - "

"I know what they are. Come on, Cat. I'll get you some crispies. They're in my quarters." The Cat followed Lister out of the room. Rimmer followed, leaving Avani alone.

Lister came back a few moments later after realizing she hadn't followed them. "Are you okay?"

Avani snorted. "Yeah, peachy."

"You...um...want to talk about it?" said Lister in a tone that sounded like he really hoped she didn't.

"Not really."

"Oh, good - I mean...are you sure?"

Avani nodded.

"Do you want to come with us?"

"No, I think I'll go to my quarters. See how different it looks."

"Alright...well, you know where we are if you change your mind." Lister left again, and Avani went to her quarters.

She was suprised by how much her room looked the same as it did the last time she saw it (nearly four hours ago, according to her memory, but in reality about three million years). She guessed that the scutters had been busy keeping the place tidy while she and Lister had been in stasis.

Avani supposed that she should consider herself lucky that she decided to go into the stasis room when she did, because if she hadn't she would have been dead just like the rest of the crew. At same time she felt a pit in her stomach at the thought that everyone she loved was gone now. She had already lost her parents only months ago - that's why she had gone to live on Red Dwarf in the first place - but now her unlce was gone too, and all she had now was two chicken soup machine repairemen, a senile computer and a cat who smelled of some kind of chicken cologne.

This was going to be a long rest of her life.

* * *

**One more chapter to go!**


	9. Scene 9

Later, Avani decided to go see what the others were up to, and found them in Lister and Rimmer's quarters. She was about to walk in, when she heard her name being spoken. She stopped just outside the door and listened.

"You're extinct! You and Avani. You've got nothing now." This was Rimmer.

"Don't you go saying that around her," came Lister's voice. "She must be scared enough as it is."

"I'm just saying, their's really nothing left. Where do you expect us to go?"

"Earth!"

"_Earth_? What makes you even think there's going to be an Earth, Lister? Even if there was, look what it's done to a houshold pet in three million years! I can only imagine what the human race has evolved into. You'll be the equivalent of the slime that first crawled out of the oceans!"

"I could smarten myself up a bit."

"Oh, please. You're a dinosaur, Lister! You and little miss big mouth are probably the last human beings left!"

It hit Avani that for once, Rimmer was probably right. In all likelyhood, she was the last human female left in the Universe. This scared her. She waited a moment, then walked into the room.

"Yo," she said, trying to sound normal and succeeding.

"Hey," said Lister. "You okay?"

"Why shouldn't I be okay? I'm standing in a room with a dead guy and a cat in a pink suit eating crispies, and I very may well be one of the last human beings alive, but over all, I'm fine."

"I'm guessing you heard what we said?"

Avani nodded.

"Don't worry, Av. We'll get back to Earth."

"But what if their isn't an Earth left?"

"Why wouldn't there be?"

"Well...there's global warming, extinction, solar flares, asteroids, war, famine, evolution - "

" - Don't forget aliens," Rimmer cut in.

" - and a zombie invasion."

"Alright," said Lister. "I get it. But the point is, even if everyone's gone, where else do we have to go?"

No one had an answer, except for the cat, who exclaimed, "Good crispies, man!"

The others ignored him.

"I guess Lister's right," said Avani. "I mean, what do we have to lose?"

"That's the spirit, Avani!" said Lister enthusiastically. "Then it's settled! Holly! Set a course for Earth!" He wrapped an arm around the Cat and Avani with excitement. "The slime's coming home!"

The Cat squirmed out of Lister's grasp and said indignantly. "Hey, man! I was eating!"

"Sorry, Cat, but aren't you excited? You'll be going home with us!"

"To Fushal? Man, if I remember kitty school correctly, Earth sounds about as fun as watching evening television on PBS."

"Fushal?" asked Avani, sounding puzzled.

"It's all long story," said Lister.

"Hey," said Avani, noticing something on the table in front of her. "What's this?" she picked up the clipboard in front of her and read allowed, "'I, Arnold Judas Rimmer report that Avani D. Hollister has trespassed into the stasis room' - You actually got the scutters to write a report on me?"

"Well, you broke the rules," said Rimmer, sticking his nose in the air. "You need to suffer the consequences!"

"You really are a smeghead, aren't you Rimmer? Or should I say _Judas_?" Avani threw the clipboard at Rimmer. Instinctively, he cringed, but it simply fell through him.

"Ha!" he said triumphantly.

"Smeghead."

Lister grinned. "Avani, I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"

* * *

**The end - for now!**


End file.
